1. I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
2. The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driverhow toget somewhere.
3. Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
4. I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
5. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
6. If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
7. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said,Thyroid problem?
8. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
9. Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
10.I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
11. I love fools' experiments. I am alway making them.
12. I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
13. Be obscure clearly.
14.Every man has a sane spot somewhere.
15. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
16.What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
17.If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
18. Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
19. If at first you don't succeed... so much for sky diving.
20. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
21.Macho does not prove mucho.
22. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
23. Men are only as loyal as their options.
24. Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.
25. Do not worry about avoiding temptation. A you grow older it will avoid you.
26. If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
27. The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
28. Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
29. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
30.I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
31.Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
32.As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
33.I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
34. Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
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